Nicky Gray opens up the Mental Health conversation

Nicky Gray has spoken openly about mental health
By Mark Carruthers
There are words that remain unspoken. The talk has been of life on the touchline and inspiring his side to continue their march up the Non-League pyramid. 
The conversation then moved on to summer business – retaining players and adding to the squad to relieve the frustrations of an abandoned play-off push. 
But, even chatting via an online video chat, it is all too obvious that there is something else to come. Something more serious, something more personal.
“I am not going to hide from it,” explains Nicky Gray, who last Friday brought the curtain down on nine years in charge of Morpeth.
“It's surprised me a lot, and I am ashamed to say I've been ignorant about mental health and thought it's been somebody else's problem. 
“Maybe that it won't happen to me, but I have got to say it has, I have struggled.”
Lockdown has denied him of the release that working hard on the training pitch provides and withdrawn him from the familiarity of the touchline technical area.
Gray has been restricted to Facetime chats and exchanging WhatsApp messages with his Morpeth players and coaching staff. 
The man who led the Highwaymen to their famous FA Vase final win over Hereford in 2015 has a hectic working life, combining his duties with the Northern Premier League Premier Division club alongside work with a local youth club and academy. 

Nicky Gray won the FA Vase with Morpeth in 2015
He is a football man through and through, with a non-stop dedication to the game. Only now, however, the coronavirus epidemic has put a pause on his dedication to the game that he loves.
“I have been in touch with players and other people, and they have got back in touch with me,” he continued.
“We have had conversations, but it's been really tough at times. 
“Again, I am ashamed that I have been ignorant, I have thought can people really have it? 
“It's out there, I have come to realise that, and I have tried to keep myself occupied.
“I have exercised, I have tried to contact people a lot and I've tried to keep going.
 “I haven't been able to speak, I haven't been able to talk, I've been waking up and just looking at the same four walls. 
“Thankfully, I can say I haven't had any suicidal thoughts; I am fortunate that I have good family around me. 
“I have always been the sort of person that keeps his mind occupied – but now it isn't. 
“Trying to keep my mind occupied has been the most difficult thing about all of this.” 
Gray, of course, is not alone in suffering mentally under the strain of lockdown. 
Such battles are commonplace across the country as the restrictive environment puts a temporary halt on day-to-day life. 
It has provided a sobering dose of reality for Gray.
“I've learnt that I've taken the little things for granted – a hug, a cuddle, going for a pint at a bar with my mates, seeing my pals, shaking hands, going to watch a match. 
“Not being able to see my family, my two sons do not live with me, my niece has had twins today, and I can't see her or them.
“It's been a bit surreal.”
Despite the open and honest nature of his admission, Gray remains as defiant as he was throughout his decade in charge at Craik Park.
But now, defiance is not shown with an unexpected triumph against overwhelming odds at the home of football or the completion of a signing that nobody thought was possible.
Defiance is now shown in a frank and brutally honest admission. 
“Lockdown has made me a better person, a better man,” says Gray. 
“I am proud to say that now, I look out for people when maybe I didn't do that before. 
“It has been difficult, but I know I am not on my own in this and speaking about it makes it easier. 
“The more people talk about it, the easier it becomes, and we all need to help each other through these difficult times.
“Talking is the best way to do it. It might make it easier for someone else too.”
There are words that may well remain unspoken for Gray and for people up and down the country as the uncertainty of lockdown – to some extent – continues. 
But maybe, as time goes on, it is time for us all to start saying them.