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Chertsey Town (Saturday, January 26)

SATURDAY JANUARY 26

Chertsey Town 1 Godalming Town 0

SOUTH again today; unfortunately it’s still a bit grim up north. My carload of Hoppers agree that Chertsey Town of the Evo-Stik League Southern Division One Central should be our destination.

The toilets here were once described as ‘the worst in Non-League football’, so I will be interested to (literally) pay them a visit.

Alwyns Lane is situated down a narrow road in this rather upmarket district of London (in my book, if it’s south of Watford, it’s Laaaahndaaahn, my sahhan).

When I pass the Museum of Chertsey, my passengers react in two different ways: like me, one laughs and wondersjust how brain-numbingly tedious this could possibly be while the other two dullards squeal excitedly.

I squeeze into the tight club car park and then pay £8 at the gate and another £1.50 for the programme. A board proclaims, ‘T Bar Open’. Like a dumb animal following a bait trail, I walk to behind the goal to find the ‘T Bar closed’: some buffoon has unplugged the freezers!

I quickly head into town and find a lovely bakery which fulfils my stomach’s needs and then some. Such is the choice, I stand speechless for five minutes whilst deciding what to buy.

Meanwhile, one of my party has scuttled into the museum. I must get a fresh batch of friends!

Back at the ground, I notice that four players are missing from the home side on the team sheet. I then pluck up courage to visit the gents.

True, it’s a dingy, with no soap and nothing to dry one’s hand with but the worst? A bit harsh.

Alwyn’s Lane is a corker of a ground. There’s a covered terrace behind the tea-bar goal and behind the other goal is open. A small covered terrace runs along one touchline while the clubhouse, the grandstand and two sections of open terrace run along the other side. Delicious!

Godalming arrive as league leaders and strut around as if they only need to turn up to collect the three points.

Chertsey give them a kick up the backside and send them home packing with a scrappy defeat for company. Ha, ha, ha.

sad.hopper@ntlworld.com

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