Bacup Borough (Saturday, May 4)

SATURDAY MAY 4

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WHEN I telephone the secretary of Bacup Borough to check today's game is on, I receive a rather desperate reply: “IT HAS TO BE!” The adverse weather has meant Bacup have had to fit in 15 games in 22 days!

I arrive at The Brian Boys West View Stadium, on the delightfully-named Cowtoot Lane, and immediately take a fancy to the place. I pay £6 at the gate and £1.50 for the programme.

I head for the Martin Peters Sports Bar, past kit drying on the line, and visit the gents. It is completely derelict and doesn't bode well for the rest of the clubhouse. Thankfully, it is surprisingly plush. The homemade pie with mushy peas goes straight into my top five footy meals of all time!

My travelling companion is edgy. We are watching the decisive Leicester v Forest game on telly: my mate is a Foxes fan while his wife is a Tricky Tree. He may need a bed for the night if the result goes his way!

The programme is extremely well-produced and covers SEVEN home matches but includes a four-page insert for today's opponents. This seems an eminently sensible idea given the club's current glut of games and the editor pulls off this juggling act with panache.

The match does not bear mention apart from three things: ballboys use ladders to scramble over the dry stone walls to collect stray balls; Glossop fans joke that Bacup have another match tonight; the unlikable Borough manager marks ‘Star Wars Day' (May the 4th be with you…) by constantly bellowing “Luke, Luke” for the entire game.

Everyone is super-friendly at this great club. That is until I have the misfortune to cross car keys with ‘Dave'. I return to  my car to find it blocked in; not unusual at games, but the guilty party normally sheepishly scuttles out pretty quickly.

Not our Dave: I have to drag him out of the bar where he is waiting to give the manager a lift home!! Apparently, I am being arsy for having the audacity to be annoyed at his arrogant behaviour and nonchalant attitude.

sad.hopper@ntlworld.com (Now on Facebook)

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