Kevin Nicholson: My heart lies with Torquay but I’m ready to go again!

Kevin Nicholson became the first manager in the top five divisions of English football to lose his job this season when he was let go by Torquay United on Thursday morning. Here, the 36-year-old pens a heartfelt letter about the shock decision…
I WRITE this on the evening of the day I got sacked for the first time.
I woke this morning determined to prepare the team to beat Guiseley and by 10.20am was unemployed.
I have seen my children and wife in floods of tears, more upset for me than anything else as they've seen the work and the passion, the heartbreak, the elation and the hours spent fighting against odds to do right at the football club where all of my best moments have come in extremely difficult times.
They have been a constant source of inspiration for me. When times are tough I'm doing it for them and with their help, when times are good I want them to feel it and share in it, be part of that feeling.
I have said emotional farewells to a group of players who I trust and believe in and asked them to go and show everyone what they are capable of.
I apologised for not having the chance to complete the vision I had shown them when asking them to move down here and sign for me and made sure they were ready to welcome the next guy through the door and be successful as players and people from now on.
I hope I taught them something positive.
I've had so many nice messages, generally disappointment that I've gone too soon but all with a thank you – that means a lot.
One of my favourite messages was from my old gaffer Martin Ling who wrote: “You're not a real manager until you've been sacked.”
I liked that, I feel like one of the club now. He's been there, seen it and done it on so many levels and is one of the good guys in football, I really hope Leyton Orient kick on with his help and experience.
I genuinely love Torquay. Not just the club but the area where I was married and my kids were born, the people and the places who have welcomed me in from the first day I stepped foot in the area and all the experiences I have enjoyed while down here.
I met Paul Buckle at a place called the Thatched Tavern in 2007 where he sold me his vision of the club and what he wanted to achieve.Wow did we achieve it.
Cup runs, promotions, way more highs than lows, which is a rarity in football. Friendships made that have lasted and experiences shared that will last forever.
Seven unbroken years as a player, 350 appearances, having to prove myself several times over but a total appreciation of how lucky I was to do what I did and play for the club.
Never once have I taken anything for granted and I knew when I left in 2014 I'd be back to manage this fine football club.
It came quicker than I expected and in 2015 I stepped in as the cheap option because no one else of note really wanted the job!
Early on, while getting beat at several opposition grounds, I heard that sentiment echoed, “You're going down Nicholson, you were just the cheap option!!”
I had to agree with the second part of that!
The Great Escape Part 1 was done with the help of many great people who stuck with me through the tough times and then shared in our near miraculous escape and the incredible feelings that came with it.
Robbie Herrera, Gareth Laws and Simon Jeffery by my side each day instilling our way into a group who we had to pick up off the floor on more than one occasion. Smiling daily in the face of adversity because we had total belief in our ability to turn the tide even with our “lack of experience” we knew what needed to be done, never listened to the noise around us and stuck to our plan. Changes made, players in and players out searching for character first, ability second at all times.
I knew on the day we beat Boreham Wood, with a towering header from Bliss (Nathan Blissett), that we were staying up.
Admittedly most thought I was mad as that win closed the gap to safety to 10 points in February, but I knew and I wrote it down in my journal that night.
I've several journals full from my two years as manager, history books of the things I did well, the mistakes I made and the madness I've had to deal with on an almost daily basis.
I am nothing if not honest!
They'll make a good book one day.
We hit promotion form from then on with a group who I would've gone to war with any day of the week.
Real men who had each other's backs and I would have been proud to work with even if relegation had happened.
I'll never forget Smithy, who was injured, in the away end at Bromley celebrating with our fans as Gus (Angus?MacDonald) ran over after scoring the opening goal in the game that sealed our survival or the celebrations at the end when we realised we had done it.
The season ended brilliantly and yet the off-field trouble carried on and come the next season we were left once again in limbo.
Owners who were TUFC passionate and desperate to help me but without the funds or the business acumen to do so. Dave Philips, Steve Breed and a board of TUFC fans doing all they could to keep it afloat in the face of building financial pressures and fan unrest.
If the fans knew what these guys did and what they had to deal with then their standing would be a whole lot higher and nearer where it should be. They sacrificed time, money and emotions at a time when no one else would and for that they deserve credit.
After an off-season thinking I could concentrate only on football we were once again thrown into a season of uncertainty, minibus driving and penny pinching but we found a way and strangely when our bus broke down for the fourth time that season having conceded two late goals away at Lincoln to find ourselves four points from safety with three games to go, I got that eerie feeling that we were going to do it.
I mean, what else could go wrong?!
We had dominated Lincoln in front of 10,000 of their brilliant fans and we had them right where we wanted them with five minutes to go but, as was the season they had, it was to be their day and they found a way to win.

The performance showed me the lads were right and the bus breaking down just seemed to relieve the pressure at 2.00am on a Friday night.
We were 1-0 down at home to Braintree in our next “must win” fixture and had a goal ruled out by a terrible offside call but the reaction of the group sealed that feeling.
We were staying up again and when Brett Williams fired in the equaliser and ran to celebrate in front of the linesman who'd ruled out his earlier strike it was cemented for me.
The game finished 3-1, The Great Escape Part 2 was happening.
A great win at Dover and a routine win to finish it at home to North Ferriby and surely now I could build MY squad and MY team with no off-field issues?!
A summer of long hours, hard work and negotiations and on day one of pre-season I could see I had done what I'd hoped.
We had got a really good group of characters together who were fit, hungry and desperate to buy into my                 philosophy and how I believed things should be done.
Just three weeks ago we beat Truro 6-0 in our final pre-season game and I couldn't be more excited to work with this group and achieve a positive season and a big step forward for the club.
Four games in, two bad performances and I'm now a management stat. The first in the top five leagues to be sacked.
Two years earning the right to field MY team without distractions and all it took was a few unfortunate injuries over the first week of the season, two poor performances and I will not get that chance at Torquay United. That's my only disappointment.
Last season, Exeter had a nightmare start because of injuries and Paul Tisdale, who I respect hugely, was adamant that his team would do well.
There were car park protests to get him out after eight games but he was backed and true to his word when the injuries came back they had an incredible season, falling only at the final hurdle at Wembley.
I asked him his thoughts on this and his reply was: “Never give up on talent, this group had character and talent”.
This group will do well, without question the next guy through these doors will inherit a very good group and once they gel and everyone is fit he will think he's won the lottery (he may not tell you that publicly).
I am disappointed I won't get to see this group reach their potential, develop some of these players who have League quality in them that I've proven over and over again that I can get out of my players, especially those who have hit a plateau or had a bad year or two. I love taking “reclamation projects” and getting them back on track. It gives me a real buzz to be a part of a player succeeding when he's been written off by others.
In two years here I've been a big part in developing and selling players on to bigger and better things.
Around £200k in profits from players with sell-on fees in place to take that way higher.
I'm proud of this and hope that the chairman and decision makers out there are aware of this when my CV passes their desk.
I'm also proud that I've made a difference to a lot of players and helped build them back up. I know they appreciate it and have not forgotten what myself and my staff did to help them along again.
I want all my players to go on and have better careers than I did, play in front of big crowds in big games, earn great money in a short career and pass on my values and some of the lessons they learned from me.
I am disappointed that I won't get the chance to lead TUFC and the clubs incredible fans back up the National League and back into League football.
I think I'd earned the right to have a crack at that but football is cruel and with new owners come new ideas and the right to do whatever they want. This is the game and they'll be judged on that one way or another.
I wish the club and its fans nothing but success, they deserve it more than most.
I wish the next manager nothing but success, good fortune and the backing, resources and relationship with the board that every TUFC manager deserves.
The experience I've gained over two years here would be comparable to 10 years most anywhere else and I leave with my head held high and, hopefully, with my reputation in the game intact and ready to go again when the next opportunity arises.
I think I've achieved great things here in circumstances that have proved I can deal with pressure that many can't and will always stick to my morals and ethical code. I will be successful but always true to myself at all times with no exceptions.
Football has turned many good men cynical and bitter and I will never allow that to happen. It's turned many men arrogant and thinking they are above others but I will never allow this to happen to myself, my staff or my players.
Players, fans, young and old should be treated properly and given your time whenever possible. We are privileged to do what we do whether playing or managing and giving back to the community is as important as any win on the pitch.
Football is about winning but to me that is on and off the pitch, in the schools and the community and I think I've done that in my time here.
My CV is ready and I'm fresh and fired up to, once again, prove myself.
It's the nature of the beast but I'm determined, focussed and ready to go. I have 35 years to be the manager and the man I want to be and I cannot wait to go again armed with more experience than most my age, always ready to learn and always ready to make a difference.
*This article originally featured in The NLP on Sunday August 20th. The NLP is on sale every Sunday and Monday!