Stanford-in-the-Vale (Saturday, September 22)

SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 22

Stanford-in-the-Vale 1 Blewbury 1

It’s 4.30pm and Hoppers are at their third match of the day on the North Berkshire Hop.

I follow Jane SatNav to the village of Stanford-in-the-Vale and am then directed by a steward to the farmer’s field being used as a free car park opposite the entrance to the ground.

Although this is Division Three of the NBL, Stanford are supremely well-organised and comfortably cater for the 178 visitors this evening. The BBQ and cake stand are doing brisk business and the Real Ale is slipping down nicely in the clubhouse. There is even an ambulance on site (presumably for the players but may be needed for Hoppers’ overindulgences).

Stanford’s goal nets are blue and yellow, so most of us naturally think that the team wearing the blue and yellow strip are the home side. WRONG: Vale are in a QPR-a-like kit.

The match is nothing to write home about but one player stands out a treat. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Tyrun Mayall who gets caught offside more times than I have had a pie at a football ground (yes, really).

The regular monotony of his mistiming (I hope ‘Ty’ doesn’t use the rhythm method for contraception) greatly amuses the Hoppers and the linesmen. He then rounds off his brainless     display by flicking a finger at the linesman: “F**k you!”

He is promptly issued with a red card, accompanied by a cheer from the bemused Hoppers. When a teammate ironically thanks his buddy for the extra work the ten men now have to endure, he is greeted with the now familiar, “F**k you!”

The final match of the day is at Uffington United, who host the whipping boys of Division Five, Appleton Stars. I won’t embarrass the visitors by divulging the scoreline but what I will say is that this team is what football is all about.

Week in, week out they get a right tonking but still turn up and play the next game. They are a credit to all who love The Beautiful Game, as is the North Berkshire League if today is anything to go by. See you next year?

[email protected]