The Farce Of Farnborough

MISSING: Football’s dignity. If found, please return to Farnborough Football Club, Cherrywood Road, Hampshire, at your earliest convenience.

You thought the Wembley FC FA Cup legends story last year was modern day football at its worst? Think again.

Paddy Power, the headline-hungry Irish bookmakers, have stepped forward to ‘save’ the Skrill South club from yet another meltdown.

And they have stumped up quite a sum – £100,000 to get the club out of administration, and another £100,000 to meet a Conference bond so they can start the season.

In exchange for salvation? Logos on the shirt? Maybe even an Irish-inspired green away kit? No, it seems the price of this bail out is the club’s pride.

Every Farnborough player has been rail-roaded into changing their name by deed poll to those of the game’s legends. Defender Alan Inns will become Alan Hansen,  midfielder Reece Jones will now be known as George Best and the role of David Beckham goes to Scott Donnelly.

Alter-egos

And the pièce-de- résistance? Black defender Djibril Fofana will be rebranded as John Terry– just in case somebody needs a photo-bombing attention seeker to go and pick up a trophy somewhere, presumably.

They’ve got a manager that knows all about a new identity of course. Spencer Day –  formally known as Spencer Trethewy – will complete a personal re-naming hat-trick. Step forward Jose Mourinho, taking charge of his team at the newly-named Paddy Power Park.

Not just on matchdays, mind. Legally they must all be known by their more illustrious alter-egos. That moment in the doctor’s waiting room for the call from the receptionist… Diego Maradona, the doctor will see you now.

Now I fully accept that we live in a world whose axis is oiled by PR spin, but as publicity stunts go even Max Clifford would be screaming for the sick bucket.

Don’t feel too sorry for the players, though.

They’ll be suitably compensated, making at least £1,500 each with a free trip to Vegas thrown in for their part in a stunt that makes a Katie Price wedding look tasteful.

Some will say it’s just a bit of fun. But the book on exactly how far football  will go for money has another mortifying chapter.

That said the gesture to allow fans in for free to the season opener against Chelmsford yesterday, before its cancellation, was at least honourable.

Morals

Now, though, Paddy Power will need to come up with a bit more cash.

With numbers 1-11 only allowed in Step 2 and Day facing an early-season injury and suspension crisis, extra printing on shirts needs to be carried out before every game to cover every possible eventuality.

Best head on down to Homebase to find some yellow paint.

Welling and Aldershot fans, breathe easy. They were talking to your club about doing exactly the same thing over the summer. A lucky escape thanks to a lack of desperation.

Now Paddy Power have finally found a club in a perilous enough state to throw their dignity out of the window.

The sad fact is it’s not just Farnborough this charade is making look tin pot. Its everyone associated with the Non-League game.